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Blog#5 | 5/22/2018
The Royal Wedding, a Testament to Love & Compromise!
I was one of the estimated two billion people who tuned my television to watch American Meghan Markle wed Prince Harry. I was not disappointed.
It was beautiful to see the couple so much in love, looking deep into each other’s eyes, holding hands and reciting their modern vows. The interviews afterwards were showing people glowing about the obvious happiness of both the bride and the groom. Clearly this was a marriage of love, not of convenience.
I can only imagine the discussions and thought involved before that day arrived. It was certainly a triumph of love and compromise over blindly following traditions of either side of the Atlantic Ocean.
It is natural for people to become fixated on details or just automatically assume rituals would occur in a particular manner because that is the way it has always happened in their family. Those are the unwritten expectations or rules that we all inherit. It takes a lot of love and understanding to build a win-win solution where both can be happy, rather than insisting that we must do it my way. Compromise does not come easily to any of us.
The pressure multiplies a zillion times if one of the partners happens to be sixth in line to the throne of England! It must be very difficult for either side not to adopt a position of moral superiority or contempt for the other’s heritage. None of that was evident from this couple.
Instead we saw a thoughtful and dignified blend of two very different traditions. The Queen is the Head of the Church of England so it was to be expected that the marriage would be solemnized by the Archbishop of Canterbury and this occurred with suitable warmth and gravitas.
But, on this occasion an American Episcopalian Bishop, the Reverend Michael Curry delivered the sermon and what a rousing sermon it was! I never expected to hear Dr Martin Luther King Jr quoted in such a setting, or for the call to go out for redemptive love “to make this old world a new world.”
It was animated, egalitarian and inclusive. (Exactly what I have come to value as the very best of American cultural and spiritual traditions).
The readings and music were chosen with care to reflect the delights and responsibilities of love from the Song of Solomonto the Gospel King’s Choir version of Stand by Me. There was beautifully executed chamber music and traditional hymns. The balance chosen always reflected the personalities and history of both Meghan and Harry.
There was something in it for all the traditionalists as well as all the feminists. The walk down the aisle alone and then with Prince Charles, her future father-in-law, was a masterpiece of compromise. It was so heartwarming that Meghan’s mother had the role of accompanying her in the car and that Prince Harry had the support of his brother who even gave up championship football for the occasion!
I was so glad that I got out of bed early to watch this piece of history being made.
Doctors John and Julie Gottman wisely claim “that every committed relationship is a cross -cultural experience in which we blend together each partner’s legacy, culture, values, and beliefs to create an entirely new culture.” Yes, it was different from previous royal weddings. It was different from American weddings. The soaring national anthem of God save the Queenat the close of the ceremony was unexpected. Then I imagined what it would have meant to maintain that connection to centuries of tradition and the look on Prince Harry’s face as he joined in singing it to his grandmother. It was just wonderful.
If you think you have difficulties in resolving challenges in your relationship or marriage you can be encouraged by the success of this Royal Wedding. Love, an open mind and a willingness to find out why certain rituals are important to your partner will make it so much easier to compromise and build a win-win solution. Invite them to talk about why that situation matters to them so much. Understanding builds empathy.
This approach applies to planning weddings, vacations, rites of passage or other parties. In fact, any situation where you may have very different expectations to your partner.
If you feel like you need more information give me a call to book a free 20 minute consult to find out how I can help you.
Warmly,
Robyn Fowler MA, MFT
The Royal Wedding, a Testament to Love & Compromise!
I was one of the estimated two billion people who tuned my television to watch American Meghan Markle wed Prince Harry. I was not disappointed.
It was beautiful to see the couple so much in love, looking deep into each other’s eyes, holding hands and reciting their modern vows. The interviews afterwards were showing people glowing about the obvious happiness of both the bride and the groom. Clearly this was a marriage of love, not of convenience.
I can only imagine the discussions and thought involved before that day arrived. It was certainly a triumph of love and compromise over blindly following traditions of either side of the Atlantic Ocean.
It is natural for people to become fixated on details or just automatically assume rituals would occur in a particular manner because that is the way it has always happened in their family. Those are the unwritten expectations or rules that we all inherit. It takes a lot of love and understanding to build a win-win solution where both can be happy, rather than insisting that we must do it my way. Compromise does not come easily to any of us.
The pressure multiplies a zillion times if one of the partners happens to be sixth in line to the throne of England! It must be very difficult for either side not to adopt a position of moral superiority or contempt for the other’s heritage. None of that was evident from this couple.
Instead we saw a thoughtful and dignified blend of two very different traditions. The Queen is the Head of the Church of England so it was to be expected that the marriage would be solemnized by the Archbishop of Canterbury and this occurred with suitable warmth and gravitas.
But, on this occasion an American Episcopalian Bishop, the Reverend Michael Curry delivered the sermon and what a rousing sermon it was! I never expected to hear Dr Martin Luther King Jr quoted in such a setting, or for the call to go out for redemptive love “to make this old world a new world.”
It was animated, egalitarian and inclusive. (Exactly what I have come to value as the very best of American cultural and spiritual traditions).
The readings and music were chosen with care to reflect the delights and responsibilities of love from the Song of Solomonto the Gospel King’s Choir version of Stand by Me. There was beautifully executed chamber music and traditional hymns. The balance chosen always reflected the personalities and history of both Meghan and Harry.
There was something in it for all the traditionalists as well as all the feminists. The walk down the aisle alone and then with Prince Charles, her future father-in-law, was a masterpiece of compromise. It was so heartwarming that Meghan’s mother had the role of accompanying her in the car and that Prince Harry had the support of his brother who even gave up championship football for the occasion!
I was so glad that I got out of bed early to watch this piece of history being made.
Doctors John and Julie Gottman wisely claim “that every committed relationship is a cross -cultural experience in which we blend together each partner’s legacy, culture, values, and beliefs to create an entirely new culture.” Yes, it was different from previous royal weddings. It was different from American weddings. The soaring national anthem of God save the Queenat the close of the ceremony was unexpected. Then I imagined what it would have meant to maintain that connection to centuries of tradition and the look on Prince Harry’s face as he joined in singing it to his grandmother. It was just wonderful.
If you think you have difficulties in resolving challenges in your relationship or marriage you can be encouraged by the success of this Royal Wedding. Love, an open mind and a willingness to find out why certain rituals are important to your partner will make it so much easier to compromise and build a win-win solution. Invite them to talk about why that situation matters to them so much. Understanding builds empathy.
This approach applies to planning weddings, vacations, rites of passage or other parties. In fact, any situation where you may have very different expectations to your partner.
If you feel like you need more information give me a call to book a free 20 minute consult to find out how I can help you.
Warmly,
Robyn Fowler MA, MFT
This blog is designed as self-help and psycho-education. It cannot substitute for therapy with a properly trained professional. If you feel that your relationship problems are serious or require more attention I recommend that you contact an experienced and qualified therapist.
If you would like more information about how I could help you,
Call 914 315 7950 | 212 405 8205 or email Robyn@feelinggoodcenter.com
to schedule your free 20 minute telephone consultation.
